Tom Rasmussen finds themselves straddling two camps, that of their Northern, working class family for whom marriage is the centrepiece of life, and as a male-bodied, non-binary queer in a relationship with a man.
Through journeys to wildly different weddings ranging from the most traditional to the unrecognizably unorthodox, visits to wedding planners, interviews of the much-married, those who have questioned their decision to marry over lockdown, or those who would never consider matrimony, these incisive witty and often moving essays look at marriage as an achievement, a compromise, a selling-out, and a practical solution. They examine what marriage means, along the whole spectrum of sexuality, for the working class, the middle class, the upper class and what the future looks like for marriage, the most historic and universal of institutions.
Can Tom have the wedding of their dreams in a white Vera Wang dress while their family dabs at their eyes around them - or is it appropriate to reject this heteronormative ritual? Is there a way to reconcile the two without letting either down? And moreover, can any of us with any sense, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, justify it? What is marriage good for - and if the answer is absolutely nothing, why are still so obsessed with it?
Thanks to Bloomsbury and NetGalley for an e-ARC of this book.
I read the author's other book - Diary of a Drag Queen - last year and was really looking forward to this book. It definitely delivered.
The book is part memoir, part interview, part discussion piece and it talks about what marriage - traditionally a heterosexual construct - might mean nowadays not only to the straights, but also to LGBT+ people, non binary people and polyamorous relationships. There are plenty of interviews with people from across the sexuality and gender spectrums that showed how marriage was or wasn't something they felt able to engage with.
The author has a dilemma in that they come from a background where all their friends and family are or are getting married and they kind of want to marry their boyfriend, but at the same time they don't want to buy into an institution that has traditionally has been exclusionary and just generally not great for anyone who isn't a cishet dude.
The author has such a sharp turn of phrase - I loved it. Even though at times there was some repetition as to his dilemma ('I want to get married. But I don't believe in marriage. But I want to get married.') the text never felt stale.
I think they key audience would be anyone who doesn't place as cishet on the gender/sexuality spectrum, but really I'd recommend this for anyone.
4 stars