This week's list is:
Ten Books I Will Probably Never Read
Okay, I always hate to say never, but based on the premise alone I really can't see myself reading any of these books....
10. Pemberley by Emma Tennant
The whole point is that Darcy and Lizzie gallop off into the sunset for their Happily Ever After. I don't want to know about their marital strife! Plus, also, Jane Austen is like my great-great-great-great-great-great aunt, so I'm outraged on her behalf.
9. The Fifty Shades Trilogy
I read the first one, so really I mean the last two books. I was not a fan of the first one, and I just can't see how I'm going to suddenly come round to the idea that being some rich dude's bitch is a lot of fun.
8. Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco
I read the first three pages of this round someone's house once, and it made not one iota of sense! Not one!
7. Anything from the Tragic Lives section of the book shop
I'm glad these people have found some kind of catharsis to their troubled pasts, but books about child abuse aren't going to be finding their way into my shopping basket.
6. Crank by Ellen Hopkins
It's supposed to be amazing, but I cannot get my head around books written as verse. Too weird.
5. Lord Of The Rings
Don't flame me. I know it's the grandfather of all fantasy novels, but I've tried so many times to read it and it's just. Too. Boring. And don't get me started on the films.
4. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
Have you seen the size of it??? It's massive! And even people who profess to love it, call it 'challenging'. No, thanks. Not when there are so many other truly awesome books being published every single day.
3. Ulysses by James Joyce
I'm told that if you manage to get through to the end, you have a huge sense of achievement. I think that says a lot.
2. The Road by Cormac McCarthy
I love a dystopia, but from what I hear this is like the most horrible future anyone could possibly imagine. Including the eating of babies. No, thank you.
And the number one book I will never, ever, ever read is....
1. Watership Down by Richard Adams
When I was eight, my nan rented me the video of Watership Down, thinking that because it was an animated film about rabbits, I'd like it. I didn't. It's a horrible, horrible film and incredibly scary and I know that if I read the book I'll start getting flashbacks!
Any of these ring a bell with you? What are your Top Ten Never-Reads?